Will Couples Therapy Make Us Fight More at Home?
If you’re thinking about starting Couples Counselling in Alberta, you may be wondering:
“Will therapy make things worse before they get better?”
Or more specifically:
“Will couples therapy make us fight more at home?”
It’s a completely valid concern—and one that many couples ask before beginning relationship counselling. The honest answer is: not necessarily, but let’s break it down so you know what to expect and how to prepare.
What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is a proven, evidence-based model for helping couples understand and transform their emotional and relational patterns. Instead of focusing just on communication techniques or problem-solving, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) dives deeper—into the underlying emotional needs, attachment patterns, and cycles that drive the arguments and disconnection between you and your partner.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is designed to help you feel safer, more connected, and more understood. It focuses on healing emotional wounds and creating new patterns of closeness.
So... Does It Make You Fight More?
In short: Not usually—but it can stir up emotions at first.
When you start couples counselling in Alberta, especially with Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), you might:
Begin to talk about things you’ve avoided for a long time
Hear your partner express things they’ve been holding in
Start to recognize how you each trigger and respond to emotional pain
This can feel intense—and yes, it might lead to more raw conversations at home, especially early on in therapy. But that’s not the same as “fighting more.”
Instead, what you may experience is:
More emotional honesty
Increased awareness of your patterns
Temporary discomfort as you begin to change
This isn’t conflict for conflict’s sake—it’s emotional growth, and it’s part of the healing process.
Why Couples Counselling Might Feel Emotionally Challenging at First
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) isn’t about blaming or rehashing every disagreement. Instead, your therapist helps you slow down and understand your “negative cycle”—the repeating pattern that fuels disconnection between you.
As you become more aware of how you each react (shutting down, criticizing, withdrawing, etc.), it can feel vulnerable. And for a short time, that vulnerability might show up at home before you fully build the tools to manage it in a new way.
Think of it like physical therapy: at first, you’re working muscles you haven’t used, and it may feel sore before it feels strong.
What to Do If Emotions Rise After a Session
Here are some tips to help you navigate the early stages of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) without letting it turn into more conflict at home:
Give yourself time after sessions
Don’t jump back into your regular routine right away. Take a walk, talk about something light, or journal.Use a pause button at home
If something heated comes up between sessions, agree to pause and revisit it later—or bring it to your next therapy session.Remember why you’re doing this
You’re showing up to build a stronger, more connected relationship. That takes courage—and commitment.Lean on your therapist
If you’re feeling overwhelmed between sessions, bring that to therapy. Your Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist is trained to guide you through these moments safely.
The Long-Term Impact of Couples Counselling: Less Fighting, More Connection
Even if there’s an increase in emotional intensity at the beginning, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is designed to reduce conflict long-term. You’ll learn how to:
Identify the root of your arguments
Understand your and your partner’s emotional needs
Respond with empathy rather than defensiveness
Create a deeper sense of emotional safety and intimacy
Many couples report that after going through Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), they argue less, recover faster when they do, and feel more securely connected.
Start Couples Counselling in Alberta Today
So, will Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) make you fight more?
It might make you feel more emotions, yes.
But with the right support, those emotions become the building blocks of trust, not more conflict.
At Canopy Cove Counselling in Alberta, we offer Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) both in-person and via telehealth across Alberta. We’re here to help you understand your relationship patterns, rebuild connection, and heal—not to create more conflict.
Ready to take the next step? Book a free consultation with one of our experienced Emotionally Focused Couples Therapists in Alberta, and see how EFT can transform your relationship.