“If We Go To Couples Counselling, I Will Be Blamed For Everything!” Why This Won’t Happen In Therapy With Us.

If you are thinking about starting couples therapy, it can be scary. A common concern we often hear on consultation calls is a fear of the therapist siding with their partner and ganging up on them. That makes sense! But it won’t happen in couples counselling at our practice and here is why.

There Is No Good Guy and No Bad Guy In Couples Counselling with Canopy Cove Counselling

As emotionally focused therapists, we know there is no good guy and no bad guy in your relationship or our own relationships. Yes, just like you, we get stuck in our own relationships too! What is happening in yours and our relationships is not one person’s fault, or anyone’s fault. It is a result of a pattern that has developed over time, with good reason.

Why This Won’t Happen In Therapy With Us

If you’re thinking about starting couples therapy, it can feel really vulnerable and even a little intimidating. One of the most common fears our couples counsellors hear during consultation calls is something along the lines of:

“I’m afraid I’ll be blamed for everything.”
“What if the therapist sides with my partner?”
“What if I’m just told all the things I’m doing wrong?”

That fear is so valid. Your concern of walking into a room, laying your relationship bare, and possibly being blamed or ganged up on would make anyone hesitate. Especially if you already feel like you're being misunderstood or criticized at home.

But I want to reassure you: that’s not what couples counselling looks like with us.

Let me explain why.

There Is No Good Guy and No Bad Guy In Emotionally Focused Couples Counselling

In our practice, we’re trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an approach rooted in the understanding that no one is the villain in a relationship. We don’t work with “good guys” and “bad guys.” And we don’t look at your relationship through a lens of blame or judgment.

We see stuck patterns, not stuck people.

The dynamic you and your partner are in likely developed over time, often for really good reasons. Maybe it started with just a few missed signals or mismatched responses, and gradually turned into a loop that neither of you knows how to exit. That’s normal. And you’re not alone in that.

We all get caught in those cycles — even us, as therapists, in our own relationships. The point isn’t to shame or correct anyone. It’s to understand what’s happening beneath the surface, and to help both of you find your way back to connection.

We Focus On The Pattern, Not The Person

If you’re worried that therapy will feel like a courtroom where one person is “right” and the other is “wrong,” that’s not how we do things. Instead of assigning blame, we help you zoom out and see the bigger picture:

What are the moments where you both feel disconnected?
What’s happening emotionally underneath those arguments or silences?
What are each of you really needing when things go sideways?

When you can see the cycle, rather than blaming each other, it becomes much easier to work as a team against the problem, instead of against each other.

This is one of the most powerful shifts that can happen in couples therapy. You move from “me versus you” to “us versus this pattern we keep getting stuck in.”

You Will Both Be Heard, Valued, and Understood

In therapy with us, both partners matter. You’ll both have space to speak. You’ll both be listened to with compassion and without interruption. And you’ll both be guided in understanding not just each other, but yourselves, in a deeper and more honest way.

We’re not referees, and we’re not on anyone’s side. We’re on the side of your relationship. Our role is to create a safe, balanced space where both of you can feel supported and challenged in a healthy way, never shamed.

Sometimes we do reflect patterns we’re noticing. Sometimes we’ll invite each of you to explore what might be happening beneath your reactions. But this isn’t to blame, it’s to bring awareness, and to help you break free from the stuck places you’ve been in for too long.

Therapy Isn’t About Blame, It’s About Understanding

Blame shuts people down. Understanding opens people up.

In couples therapy, you won’t be handed a list of what you’re doing wrong. What you will be given is a chance to understand yourself and your partner better, and to feel understood in return.

You’ll have space to name the hurts that have built up, to repair ruptures that feel unresolved, and to learn how to really show up for each other in the ways that matter most.

And yes, it will take courage and honesty. But it will also be held gently, with no judgment, and absolutely no ganging up.

If You're Still Not Sure...

That’s okay. The first step is just getting curious. We offer complimentary 15-minute consultation calls so you can get a feel for what working with us might be like, no pressure, no commitment. Just a conversation.

You don’t have to walk into couples therapy feeling totally ready. You just have to be willing to take one step. And we’ll meet you right where you are.

You're not the problem. Your partner’s not the problem.
The problem is the pattern — and we can change that. Together.

Ready to Take the First Step To Explore Couples Counselling at Canopy Cove?

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure where to begin — you’re not alone. We’re here to help.

Click below to book a free 15-minute consultation call.
We’ll answer your questions, help you feel more at ease, and see if couples therapy with us is the right fit for you.

Book Your Complimentary Consultation Call Here

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to start with one small step. We’re here to walk the rest with you.