Finding Gratitude in All Emotions This Thanksgiving
As I sit here at my desk, the week before Thanksgiving, I find myself reflecting on a conversation I had earlier with a colleague, another therapist in our office. She shared, almost in passing, that she has 26 client sessions scheduled this week.
Twenty-six.
In our field, twenty clients a week is already considered a full caseload. So why, especially this week, is she seeing even more?
Because for so many of the people we sit with, Thanksgiving is not just a holiday. It’s a minefield of emotional triggers.
This season that’s so often portrayed as joyful and heartwarming, a time of gathering, sharing, and gratitude, can stir up profound feelings of loneliness, disconnection, and hurt. If you have unprocessed trauma particularly if your trauma is tied to family relationships, the very idea of “home for the holidays” can feel like a cruel contradiction. For those facing ongoing relationship struggles, or living with anxiety or depression, the expectation to “be grateful” can feel heavy… even hollow.
And yet, these feelings don’t mean something is wrong with us. They mean we’re human.
You see, our emotions, whether grief, longing, joy, or fear, are not the problem. They’re signals. They’re our internal compass, guiding us toward what matters most: our need for connection, for safety, for belonging. And when those needs have been unmet, especially by those who were supposed to love and protect us, holidays like Thanksgiving can reopen wounds we thought had scarred over.
So as I watch our therapists show up for client after client this week, with presence, with empathy, with fierce compassion, I find myself wanting to speak to you, wherever you are, and say this:
You don’t have to feel grateful to be okay.
Gratitude isn’t about putting a smile over the pain or pretending everything’s fine. Real gratitude, the kind that heals, can hold space for sadness. It can live alongside grief. It can honor the complexity of your story without asking you to gloss over it.
In this blog, I’ll be exploring what it means to redefine gratitude, to let it be something soft, something spacious, something that makes room for every part of you.
And I’ll be sharing a few practical ways, drawn from approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), as well as healing modalities such as EMDR Therapy, Somatic Experiencing, Expressive Arts, Accelerated Resolution Therapy, and Sand Tray Therapy, to help you care for yourself with gentleness, curiosity, and resilience.
Because what matters most this Thanksgiving isn’t whether you can list your blessings.
What matters is that you stay connected, to your heart, to your truth, and to the people who can truly hold them with you.
Gratitude Beneath the Surface: Honoring All Your Emotions This Thanksgiving
During the holiday season, gratitude often sits side by side with pain. You might recognize the familiar scene: family and friends gathered around the table, each taking their turn to share what they’re thankful for. “I’m grateful for my family,” someone says softly. Another smiles and adds, “I’m grateful for my health.” Then there’s the lighthearted moment when someone jokes, “I’m grateful for football,” and laughter ripples through the room. On the surface, it looks joyful, full of warmth and togetherness.
But beneath that surface, for many, gratitude doesn’t come so easily.
For those living with depression, these moments can feel hollow, even forced, like a mask worn to please others but disconnected from the heart. For someone struggling with an eating disorder, the very sight of an overflowing feast might stir up anxiety and inner conflict. And for those with anxiety or OCD, intrusive thoughts can intrude relentlessly, turning what should be a peaceful meal into a battlefield inside.
Listening to Your Emotions: A Journey Beneath the Surface
We often imagine Thanksgiving as a time of pure joy, a season where gratitude shines bright and everything feels whole. But the truth is more complex. For so many, especially those who have faced trauma, loss, or mental health challenges, the holiday season can feel like an emotional labyrinth, beautiful but tangled.
It’s crucial to honour where you are in this moment. Your feelings, whether they are gratitude, sadness, anxiety, or confusion, are not just understandable; they are deeply valid. There is no expectation that you must wear a smile or pretend that everything is easy just because it’s a holiday.
Imagine Rebecca, a young mother stepping gently into therapy after years of carrying trauma she never spoke about. Thanksgiving is a complicated day for her. She feels genuine gratitude for her beautiful children and the healing she’s begun. But alongside that gratitude lives the shadow of old, painful memories, memories that surface quietly amid the holiday chatter and smells of familiar foods.
Rebecca’s experience reminds us that emotions are like waves, sometimes warm and uplifting, sometimes heavy and challenging. And in this truth lies freedom: to feel it all without judgment, to welcome the full spectrum of your heart’s experience.
This season, give yourself permission to hold space for every part of your emotional landscape. Gratitude is not a demand or a performance. It’s a dance with all your feelings, a dance that leads you closer to connection, to your true self, and ultimately, to healing.
The Dance Between Gratitude and Pain
In therapy, we often talk about what’s called a “dialectic”, a beautiful paradox where two seemingly opposite truths can live side by side. When it comes to gratitude and pain, this means you don’t have to choose one or the other. You can hold deep appreciation for the blessings in your life, while also acknowledging the struggles and heartaches you carry. They aren’t enemies; they are part of the same emotional dance.
This is an invitation to welcome the full complexity of your feelings, to pull up a chair for both gratitude and pain at the same table in your heart. When we allow ourselves this spaciousness, we make room for healing and connection.
Gentle Tools for Navigating Thanksgiving
If you or someone you care about is facing depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, relationship struggles or the heavy feelings that often come with the holidays, know this: you are not alone. The thought of family gatherings and holiday expectations can feel overwhelming.
So, with compassion, I want to offer a few practical tools, simple ways to help you stay grounded and connected during this Thanksgiving season. These skills aren’t about fixing everything but about holding yourself gently, with courage and kindness, through whatever arises.
Practical DBT Skill: Emotional Validation
One of the most healing skills to hold onto during the emotional complexity of Thanksgiving is emotional validation, a cornerstone of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Emotional validation is simply the practice of recognizing and honoring your feelings without judgment. It’s about offering yourself the kindness and understanding you so easily extend to others, especially when the holiday season stirs up a mix of emotions.
Imagine sitting with your feelings as if you were holding a dear friend in your arms, offering them gentle acceptance rather than criticism. Instead of telling yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” you whisper, “It’s okay to feel this. Given everything you’ve been through, it makes perfect sense.” This is emotional validation: meeting yourself with compassion and acknowledging the truth of your experience.
Your emotions are like the colors on an artist’s palette, each one vibrant, essential, and contributing to the beautiful, authentic picture of who you are. Whether you find yourself basking in moments of gratitude or wrestling with deeper, more complicated feelings, every emotion has its place. Each brushstroke adds depth and meaning to your life’s story.
As Thanksgiving approaches, I invite you to embrace your emotions without apology or resistance. Let them flow through you like the waves they are. Remember, you are never alone in this journey. By practicing emotional validation, you aren’t just redefining gratitude, you’re reshaping your relationship with yourself. You are creating a space grounded in self-compassion, deep understanding, and resilient love.
Cultivating Mindful Gratitude: Embracing the Present Moment
One beautiful way to redefine gratitude is by gently inviting yourself into the present moment. During the holidays, it’s easy to feel pulled into memories of past hurts or worries about what’s to come. But when we slow down and tune into the here and now, we open the door to a deeper kind of gratitude, one rooted in simple, tangible experience.
Try leaning into your senses: breathe in the rich aroma of a Thanksgiving meal, feel the comforting warmth of a soft blanket, or let the sound of laughter from loved ones wash over you. These small moments, when fully felt, become anchors that ground you in the present and reveal gratitude in its most honest and healing form.
If you notice your mind wandering into old stories or future anxieties, be gentle with yourself. One grounding tool I often share is the 5-4-3-2-1 practice, a simple way to reconnect with your body and the world around you, helping you return to this moment with calm and clarity.
A Gentle Practice: Mindfulness as a Path to Presence
In the rush and noise of the holiday season, moments of quiet presence can feel like rare treasures, like soft places to land when everything feels a little too much. This is where mindfulness becomes such a gift. Not a task to accomplish, but a tender invitation to come home to yourself.
Mindfulness is simply the practice of turning toward the present moment with curiosity and compassion. It’s not about silencing your thoughts or escaping your feelings, it’s about making space to notice what’s happening inside you and around you, with no judgment, just gentle awareness.
You don’t need to retreat to a mountaintop or carve out an hour of silence. A moment is enough. A breath is enough.
Try this: take a few slow, intentional breaths. Feel the rise and fall of your chest. Notice the air entering and leaving your body. And when your mind wanders, which it will, just gently bring it back. There’s no need to scold or strive. Minds wander. This is the dance of being human.
Over time, as you build this practice, you might explore paced breathing, or something like progressive muscle relaxation, where you slowly release the tension you’re carrying, often without even realizing it. But you can start simply. One moment of stillness at a time.
You might also try bringing your attention to small sensory details throughout your day: the warmth of a mug in your hands, the rhythm of footsteps on a walk, the taste of a favourite dish. These are all invitations back to now, back to the place where life is actually happening.
Especially during the holidays, when expectations run high and emotions run deep, mindfulness becomes more than a practice, it becomes a way to stay connected. To yourself. To what matters. To the steady ground beneath your feet.
Let each breath be a reminder: you are here. You are allowed to pause. You are allowed to feel. And in this simple act of awareness, you are already doing something profoundly kind for yourself.
Setting Boundaries with Compassion
The holiday season often brings with it a flood of invitations, expectations, and social pressures. Calendars fill quickly, and for many of us, especially those carrying the weight of anxiety, depression, trauma, or emotional exhaustion, it can feel like too much. The pressure to show up, to smile, to be “on,” can be overwhelming.
But here’s something important to remember: saying no can be a deeply compassionate act, an act of love, not just for yourself, but for your relationships too.
Let’s imagine Alex, a client who’s been walking a tender path through depression. As the invitations start rolling in, dinners, parties, gift exchanges, each one brings with it a quiet whisper: “Be cheerful. Be okay. Don’t disappoint.” But Alex has been working hard in therapy to listen to their needs, to tend to their emotional well-being. And right now, showing up to every event feels like too much.
This is where the gentle art of boundary-setting comes in. And not the kind that builds walls, but the kind that builds trust, within yourself, and with those who love you. Boundaries help us stay emotionally connected while staying emotionally safe. They say, “I care about you, and I care about me, too.”
A helpful structure from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) called DEARMAN offers a compassionate way to express your boundaries clearly and kindly:
Describe: Start by gently stating the facts.
“I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, and I know I need to be careful about how much I commit to.”Express: Share your feelings openly, with honesty and kindness.
“I care about you, and I appreciate being invited. This isn’t about not wanting to be with you—it’s about taking care of myself right now.”Assert: Name what you need with clarity and calm.
“I’m going to sit this gathering out so I can recharge. I hope you understand.”Reinforce: Highlight the value of your choice—for both of you.
“When I take this time for myself, I’m more present and grounded when we do connect.”Mindful: Stay grounded in your intention. It’s okay if others don’t fully understand.
“I know this might feel disappointing, but this boundary is important for me right now.”Appear Confident: Trust your voice. Even if your heart is racing, hold steady.
“I’ve thought this through, and this is what I need. Thank you for hearing me.”Negotiate: Be open to connection in other ways.
“Could we meet for coffee next week instead? Something quieter, just the two of us?”
When you speak your needs with tenderness, you’re not pushing people away—you’re inviting them into a deeper, more authentic relationship with you. One where your well-being matters. One where love can grow in safety, not performance.
So this season, if your heart is asking for space, listen. You’re allowed to protect your energy. You’re allowed to say no. And you’re allowed to do it all with compassion and grace.
Boundaries, when rooted in self-respect and kindness, don’t disconnect us, they create the space where true connection can begin.
Using Trauma-Informed Practices to Create Connection and Calm This Season
For those who carry the echoes of trauma into the holiday season, Thanksgiving can stir up more than memories, it can activate the body’s deep alarm system, often without warning. This is where healing approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), Sandtray Therapy and Somatic Experiencing can be profoundly helpful. These therapies don’t just address thoughts, they work with the body and nervous system, helping to gently release stored trauma and build a sense of internal safety. If you’ve been working with a therapist trained in one of these methods, you might notice your ability to stay grounded increasing over time, even in triggering environments. Something as simple as practicing a resourcing technique from Somatic Experiencing, like noticing where you feel steadiness in your body, or visualizing a safe place from EMDR or ART, can become an anchor when emotions rise. These small but powerful tools remind us: we are not in the past. We are here now. And we can feel both safe and connected again, even during a season that once felt overwhelming.
Coming Home to What Matters: Clarifying Your Values This Holiday Season
One of the most grounding ways to navigate the emotional complexities of the holiday season is to gently reconnect with your core values, those deep, guiding truths that matter most to you. Values are not fleeting moods or obligations, they are the compass points that help you find your way, especially when life feels full of noise and pressure.
At Canopy Cove Counselling, we often walk alongside clients as they explore these questions: What do I truly care about? What kind of person do I want to be in this world, in my relationships, in my healing? These are the kinds of questions that don’t demand answers, they invite reflection.
Let me share a simple story.
Connie, who has been doing tender, courageous work in therapy, is faced with the same thing many of us encounter during the holidays: a wave of invitations and expectations. Dinners. Parties. Gift exchanges. And while each event seems harmless enough, Connie has learned to pause, to breathe, and to ask: Does this align with what I truly value?
She thinks of the values that have emerged in her healing journey: authenticity, self-care, meaningful connection. And as she sifts through the invitations, she notices that some feel empty, driven by obligation or social pressure. Others feel genuinely nourishing. Because Connie has taken time to clarify her values, she is able to choose with intention. She’s not just managing her schedule, she’s honouring her truth.
This is the heart of values clarification, a key practice in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It invites us to live more intentionally and more fully in line with who we truly are. Here’s how you might begin:
A Gentle Practice for Clarifying Values
1. Listen to What Matters Most
Take some quiet time to ask yourself: What really matters to me right now? Is it being present with your children? Protecting your energy? Offering kindness to yourself? What kind of relationships do you long to nurture? What kind of person do you want to be, especially in this season?
2. Choose from the Heart
When invitations or obligations arise, pause and reflect: Does this align with my values? Will this help me feel more connected to myself or others? Is this choice rooted in love, or in fear of disappointing someone?
There’s power in choosing what truly resonates with your heart.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
If something doesn’t align with your values, it’s okay to say no, with gentleness. Saying no to one thing often means saying yes to something deeper: your peace, your healing, your integrity. This isn’t selfish. It’s sacred.
4. Reflect, Revisit, Realign
Your values may shift over time, or become clearer the more you live with intention. That’s okay. Keep returning to them, especially when life feels busy or overwhelming. They are a quiet voice inside that always leads you home.
By living from your values, you're not just managing stress or avoiding burnout. You’re choosing to live in a way that’s anchored, authentic, and deeply connected to who you are becoming.
This season, rather than being pulled in every direction, let your values be your gentle guide. Let them whisper to you when you feel uncertain. Let them give you the courage to set boundaries, to rest, to show up where it matters most.
Because when you live in alignment with what you truly care about, you’re not just surviving the holidays, you’re creating a life filled with meaning, choice, and love.
Reaching for Connection: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
At the heart of our deepest emotional needs is this truth: we are wired for connection. Especially during the holidays, when emotions run high and old wounds can resurface, our longing to feel seen, safe, and supported becomes even more tender.
This Thanksgiving, if you're feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or simply heavy-hearted, remember: you don’t have to carry it all alone. Reaching out for support isn’t a weakness. It’s an act of courage. It’s a signal of strength.
Whether it's a close friend, a loving family member, or a therapist who holds space for your healing, you deserve safe connection. Someone who can listen without fixing, who can witness your story without judgment, and who can remind you, even in the storm, that you matter.
In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we talk about the power of turning toward others when we feel vulnerable. It simply means letting someone in, saying, “I’m feeling off today,” or “This time of year is hard for me.” These small moments of sharing vulnerably can become bridges back to belonging.
When we reach for support, we’re meeting a fundamental attachment need: the need to feel held and known. And when someone responds with kindness and care, it tells our nervous system: You’re safe. You’re not alone. You’re loved.
So, if this season feels heavy, reach out. Even if the words feel hard to find. Let someone be there with you in the emotion, not to take it away, but to hold it with you.
Because healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in relationship, in the quiet, steady presence of someone who says, “I’m here. You’re not too much. We’ll face this together.”
Living What Matters: Turning Toward Values in the Holiday Season
When the holiday season begins to swirl around us, with its pressures, expectations, and emotional undercurrents, it’s easy to lose touch with what truly matters. But within that whirlwind, there is always an opportunity to pause… and return to your heart.
A values-based action, is a practice from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that helps us gently anchor our choices in what we care about most. It’s not about getting it “right.” It’s about making space to live in line with your values, even when life feels messy or uncertain.
Let me share a story.
Rebecca has been doing beautiful work in therapy, exploring the kind of life she wants to build. For her, connection is a core value, a deep longing to feel close to the people she loves. But as the holidays approach, she finds herself buried in to-do lists, overwhelmed by preparations, and strangely disconnected from the very thing she longs for.
In the past, she might have powered through, checking every box while quietly feeling empty. But this year, Rebecca makes a different choice. She pauses. She breathes. She remembers what matters most.
Then she reaches out to her sister, the one she used to bake with as a child, and says, “Hey, do you want to bake cookies together like we used to?” It's a small moment, but it’s filled with meaning. It’s an action aligned with her heart. And that one choice begins to shift everything.
This is the power of values-based action, not perfect choices, but honest ones. Not grand gestures, but meaningful moments that reconnect us with ourselves and with those we love.
A Gentle Invitation: Practicing Values-Based Action
1. Listen for What Matters Most
What are the values your heart keeps returning to this season? Is it connection? Peace? Presence? Creativity? Compassion? Let yourself feel into what really matters—not what you’re “supposed” to value, but what feels true for you.
2. Let Your Values Shape Your Actions
When you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself: What’s one small thing I can do that reflects my values today? It might be saying no to something that drains you. Or reaching for a quiet moment with someone you love. Or even just sitting in stillness for a few minutes, remembering who you are.
3. Reach for Safe Connection
You don’t have to do this alone. Talk to someone who knows your heart, a friend, a partner, a therapist. Let yourself be seen. Let someone remind you that your needs and values are not only valid… they’re sacred.
4. Create Moments that Matter
Rather than striving for the “perfect” holiday, focus on what feels emotionally meaningful. A slow walk. A shared memory. A small gesture of love. These are the things that truly nourish us.
When we live from our values, especially during emotionally charged times—we’re not just surviving. We’re healing. We’re choosing presence over pressure, connection over performance, and love over fear.
So as you move through this season, let your values be your compass. Let them draw you closer to the people who matter and the person you’re becoming. Not perfectly. But truthfully. And that, more than anything, is enough.
Your Mental Health Matters This Thanksgiving
As this season of gratitude approaches, remember this: true gratitude doesn’t mean pushing away pain or pretending everything is okay. It means making space, for all of it. The joy, the sorrow, the longing, the love. When you allow yourself to feel what is truly there, without judgment, you are honoring your humanity. That’s what emotional health looks like, turning toward yourself with kindness, even when things feel hard. You don’t have to earn rest or justify the need for support. Boundaries, breath, reaching for safe connection, these aren’t signs of weakness; they’re signs that you’re listening to what your heart and nervous system need. You carry more wisdom and resilience than you know. So this Thanksgiving, let your care for others begin with care for yourself. You matter. Your feelings matter. And you deserve to move through this season held in compassion—by yourself, and by the people who truly see you.
Begin Therapy at Canopy Cove Counselling this Holiday Season
The holiday season has a way of stirring things up, memories, longings, unspoken grief, moments of connection, and moments of deep disconnection. At Canopy Cove Counselling, we want you to know that you don’t have to face it all on your own.
Whether you're feeling the quiet weight of sadness, navigating the anxiety that gatherings can bring, or carrying the deeper wounds of trauma, we’re here to walk alongside you. This time of year can be tender. It can also be a powerful invitation, to slow down, to listen inward, and to let yourself be supported.
Our team of therapists offers care that’s rooted in compassion, curiosity, and emotional attunement. We specialize in working with individuals facing depression, anxiety, OCD, trauma, and relationship challenges. Whether you're seeking in-person therapy at our Olds office, or prefer the comfort of online sessions anywhere in Alberta, you’ll find a safe, steady space with us, a place where you don’t have to perform or hold it all together.
Starting therapy during the holidays might feel like an unexpected move, but in truth, it can be one of the most meaningful gifts you give yourself: a commitment to your own healing. Not because something is “wrong” with you, but because your emotions deserve care, your story deserves to be heard, and you deserve support as you navigate the complexity of this season.
When you're ready, after the busy-ness settles, or even right in the middle of it, we're here. Let this be the beginning of something new: a deeper relationship with yourself, and a place where you are met with empathy, not expectations.
Reach out to us at Canopy Cove Counselling. We’ll meet you right where you are, with warmth, wisdom, and the deep belief that healing is always possible, especially in connection.
See other posts about Counselling in Alberta:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): A Path to Emotional Healing and Well-being
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Embracing Change and Living a Meaningful Life