Is This Just a Phase? How to Know When Your Child May Need Extra Support
Maybe your child seems much angrier than usual. They snap at their younger sibling. Lose their temper with teammates during a game. Your ten-year-old suddenly refuses to go to school. Your first-grader's tics have become more noticeable or more frequent. Your teen barely speaks to you. They go out and don't answer your calls. They argue with you. About every single thing.
You keep telling yourself, "It's okay. No need to panic. It's probably just a phase." But then that little seed of doubt creeps in: "What if it isn't?"
Should I Be Worried?
Tantrums.
Changes in mood.
New fears.
New challenging behaviours.
For most kids, these are just natural parts of growing up. One difficult day or week doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. And not every challenging behaviour is a sign that a child is struggling with a mental health challenge.
But sometimes, when a child is hurting, their emotional pain shows up in their behaviour or even in physical symptoms.
Most parents feel overwhelmed when they are not sure whether something is a common developmental challenge or a mental health concern. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. You don't have to figure this out alone. A child and teen counsellor can help you understand what lies beneath the behaviour and find ways to reconnect with your child, especially when it feels like they're pulling away.
Some Changes are Normal Part of Growing Up
There is nothing unusual about a three-year-old throwing a tantrum. Sometimes, kids' behaviour demonstrates what they can't say – how they feel or what they need.
And no matter how difficult it feels for us, it is normal for a teenager to spend most of their time in their room.
Kids grow. Kids change. Their needs change. A child who once couldn't fall asleep until you kissed them goodnight may now shrug off your hugs and kisses. It's painful. It's frustrating. But it is also developmentally appropriate.
Still, you worry.
Of course you're concerned. You see your child is changing. You hear more and more about anxiety and depression affecting children and teens. It makes sense to worry. But what makes even more sense is to look at the bigger picture. Rather than focusing on the behaviour itself, ask yourself, "How much is it affecting my child's life?" Is this new behaviour getting in the way of school, friendships, family life, hobbies, and other everyday stuff?
Look for Changes from Your Child's Usual Self
You know your child better than anyone. Yes, kids behave differently at home, in the classroom and when they are with friends. But you know your child's baseline. You know when something feels different. Are they normally quiet? Shy? Short-tempered? Confident? Easygoing? Chatty?
A child who has always been shy is not the same as a previously outgoing child who is now avoiding everyone.
Once a tolerant child, now losing their temper at the slightest provocation.
An independent tween suddenly can't stand being separated from you.
A six-year-old who seems to have a new fear every day. Difficulty sleeping. Nightmares.
A happy, confident child who now needs reassurance about everything they do or how they look.
A good eater who has become extremely picky, skipping meals and avoiding most foods.
An active child who no longer enjoys their favourite activities: sports, hobbies, family activities. They avoid social situations or lose friends.
This doesn't mean you should symptom-check them every day or spend hours on Google looking for signs that your child needs therapy. But again, you know your child. If something feels off, it makes sense to pay attention even if you can't explain exactly what's wrong. Share your worries with a professional. Speak to your child's GP. Seek counselling.
Going to counselling still doesn't mean something is seriously wrong. Child and teen therapy can be a safe place for you to better understand what lies beneath your child's behaviour. And for your child to feel safe enough to turn to you when things get hard. You are your child's attachment figure. When they learn that they can lean on you, that you are there and they don't have to face difficult feelings alone, their nervous system receives the message, "I am safe."
And this is where healing begins.
Pay Attention to How Long It Lasts: Are Struggles Affecting Your Child's Everyday Life?
Always ask yourself these three things: How long? How often? How intense?
Having two to three rough days is not the same as having two to three difficult months. A child may react to something that happened at school, fight with a friend, or to limits at home. Their behaviour may become "difficult" when they lack sleep, change their routines, or feel stressed about school exams.
But when emotional or behavioural changes last long, intensify, or don't get better when the stressful situation passes, it may be time to seek help from a professional.
Sometimes Emotional Distress Shows Up in the Body
Most children won't say, "I'm afraid." "I'm sad." "I'm anxious." But they will say, "I feel nauseous." "I'm tired." "My stomach hurts."
Occasional headaches or stomachaches are usually nothing to worry about. But if you notice a pattern, or if these physical complaints persist, it may be worth bringing them up with your child's healthcare provider.
You Don't Have to Wait Until Things Get Worse
Counselling is not only for children and families in crisis. Whether you choose family therapy or seek child and teen counselling, a counsellor can help you understand what's happening before difficulties take root.
In Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) at Canopy Cove, parents don't simply observe their child's healing process. They play an important role because they are their child's attachment figures, their most significant adults, and their greatest resource for safety and emotional healing.
You cannot make the difficulties disappear. You can't magically make your child's pain go away. But you can tune in to their feelings. You can understand them and learn to look beneath the behaviour. You can hold your child close while they are going through this. And you don't have to do it alone.
If you have any questions about starting your journey with a qualified therapist, please reach outfor a free 15-minute consultation to find out if this is the right fit for you.