How to Support Your Child Through Anxiety Using Emotionally Focused Family Therapy

The Power of Connection in an Anxious World

Every parent knows the quiet ache that comes when your child is hurting. You see the tension in their small shoulders, the way they withdraw, or the tears that appear when they’re overwhelmed. Anxiety can show up in many forms: frustration, perfectionism, or even anger. And as parents, our instinct is often to fix it: to soothe, to reason, to make it go away.

But what if the most powerful way to help your child isn’t to fix, but to feel with them?

At Canopy Cove Counselling, we often remind parents that children don’t need perfect parents, they need emotionally present ones. Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and colleagues, gives us a roadmap for these tender moments. It’s not about managing behavior, it’s about creating emotional safety. When children feel seen and soothed, their nervous systems settle.

Anxiety as a Signal, Not a Symptom

From an attachment perspective, anxiety isn’t a sign of weakness or defiance, it’s a signal. It’s your child’s nervous system saying, “I feel unsafe, unsure, or alone.” Whether it’s a test, a social worry, or bedtime fears, their distress is rooted in a longing for emotional connection.

In EFFT, we understand that anxiety thrives in isolation and quiets in connection. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to build a bridge between parent and child, a safe emotional space where fears can be felt, named, and soothed together.

At Canopy Cove Counselling, we help families learn how to respond to these emotional signals with empathy instead of fear. When parents can hold a child’s anxiety with calm curiosity, the entire family begins to breathe again.

Step One: Tune In Before You Try to Teach

Imagine your child saying, “I don’t want to go to school. My stomach hurts.”

Your mind races, What’s wrong? How do I convince them they’re fine? Before you leap into logic, pause. In EFFT, this is called attunement: slowing down to feel with your child before fixing.

You might say:

“Sweetheart, it sounds like your tummy hurts because the worry feels really big right now. That’s hard.”

This small shift, from advice to empathy, changes everything. It tells your child, You are safe with me.

At Canopy Cove Counselling, we often teach parents that attunement is the foundation of resilience. When your child’s emotions are met with warmth instead of correction, they begin to trust both you and themselves.

Step Two: Look Beneath the Behavior

Anxiety in children often hides deeper emotions. Beneath the tears or outbursts might be shame (“I should be braver”), sadness (“What if they laugh at me?”), or fear (“You won’t be there when I need you”).

You can gently explore what’s underneath by staying curious:

“I wonder if part of you is scared to be alone today. That makes sense, it’s hard to do big things when you’re worried.”

By naming what’s beneath the surface, you give your child language for their inner world. This is what we call emotional literacy, one of the most powerful predictors of lifelong emotional health.

Step Three: Comfort, Don’t Control

As a parent, it is not about eliminating anxiety, it’s about helping your child feel safe enough to face it.

Instead of “Don’t worry,” try:

“It’s okay to feel worried. I’m here with you while we figure this out together.”

At Canopy Cove Counselling, we often tell parents: You are your child’s calm anchor. Your steady presence helps their body know that big feelings are survivable. You don’t have to take away the waves, just be the lighthouse they can look to.

Step Four: Repair and Reconnect When Things Go Wrong

Even the most loving parents get overwhelmed or miss the mark. What matters most is how we repair. When you circle back and say,

“I got frustrated earlier, and I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I love you, and I want to understand what you were feeling,”

you teach your child that love can handle conflict.

At Canopy Cove Counselling, we see this every day: when parents repair with compassion, children learn that connection is strong enough to hold mistakes. These small moments of reconnection are what build lasting attachment security.

Step Five: Build Emotional Confidence

As children experience your empathy and responsiveness, they internalize your soothing voice. Over time, they develop what attachment theorists call a secure base, the deep knowing that “I can handle hard feelings because I’m not alone”.

EFFT helps families transform fear into closeness and anxiety into resilience. At Canopy Cove Counselling, we support parents in becoming that secure base, not by being perfect, but by being present.

From Anxiety to Connection: Love as the Path Forward

Attachment parenting isn’t about mastering techniques; it’s about letting love lead. When you slow down, listen, and attune to your child’s inner world, you give them the greatest gift of all, the felt sense that emotions are safe, and connection heals.

As Dr. Sue Johnson reminds us, “We are wired for connection; it is our survival code.”
At Canopy Cove Counselling, we believe this truth sits at the heart of every healing relationship, especially between parent and child. When your child feels this deep connection, anxiety no longer feels like a threat. It becomes a bridge back home.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If your child is struggling with anxiety and you’re unsure how to help, you don’t have to navigate it on your own. At Canopy Cove Counselling, our team of therapists are trained in Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) and attachment-based approaches that help parents and children reconnect, regulate, and grow together.

Reach out today to book a session or consultation, and take the next step toward calmer, more connected family relationships.

See other posts about Anxiety Counselling and Family Therapy in Alberta:

• Understanding the Intersection of Perfectionism and Anxiety

• Overcoming Social Anxiety: Steps Toward Greater Confidence and Comfort

• Plowing Through Pain: Farmer Depression and Anxiety

• Anxiety and Depression in Teens: Signs, Symptoms, and Support Strategies

• Thriving Beyond Perfect: Teen Therapy for Perfectionists

• Overcoming Test Anxiety

• Therapy for School Anxiety and Refusal: A Guide for Parents

• Why Therapy for Anxious Teens Is Essential: A Guide for Parents

• Family Therapy Explained: What It Is, How It Works, and When to Seek Help

• Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT): Strengthening Sibling Bonds and Relationships

• Breaking Down Barriers: Using EFFT to Navigate Difficult Conversations in Family Farm Succession Planning

• Understanding the Impact of Intergenerational Trauma on Family Dynamics

• Managing Conflict in Your Relationship: Tips from EFT Couples Counsellors and Family Therapists

• Strengthening Family Bonds: Exploring the Benefits of Family Therapy

References

• Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.

• Cassidy, J., & Shaver, P. R. (Eds.). (2016). Handbook of Attachment: Theory, Research, and Clinical Applications (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.

• Dumas, T., Lafontaine, M.-F., & Johnson, S. M. (2021). Emotionally Focused Family Therapy: Restoring Connection and Resilience in Families. Routledge.

• Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press.

• Johnson, S. M., & Lee, A. (2000). Emotionally Focused Family Therapy: Restructuring Attachment. In C. Figley (Ed.), Brief Treatments for the Traumatized (pp. 123–146). Greenwood Press.

• Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child. Bantam Books.

• Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2018). The Power of Showing Up. Ballantine Books.

• Tronick, E. Z. (2007). The Neurobehavioral and Social-Emotional Development of Infants and Children. W.W. Norton.