Managing Conflict in Your Relationship: Tips from EFT Couples Counsellors and Family Therapists
Whether it's minor disagreements over household chores or significant clashes in values, conflicts are inevitable in every relationship. However, to have healthy, long-lasting relationships, we must learn how to effectively resolve our relationship issues and feel safe with our partners. And, often, this is not something we can do alone.
We all get stuck communicating in our relationships at times. Are you having the same argument over and over again? Emotionally focused therapy by lead developer, Dr. Sue Johnson, can help you in your relationship as a family or a couple to get unstuck and find each other again. You can have a healthy, long-lasting relationship, repair deep-rooted conflict and feel safe with your family or partner.
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) for couples and Emotionally focused family therapy (EFFT) at Williamson & Associates Counselling can provide a safe and non-judgmental environment to address conflicts in your relationship, explore and understand their underlying causes, and heal individually, and as a couple or family.
The Nature of Relationship in Conflict
Conflicts in relationships are not only normal but can also be a great incentive for growth. Emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT) and Emotionally focused family therapy (EFFT) can help you get to the core of your concerns by helping you understand your attachment fears and longings underneath.
Understanding Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) and Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT)
Emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT) and Emotionally focused family therapy (EFFT) is an evidence-based approach that embraces “the science of love.” Deeply rooted in Bowlby’s attachment theory, this therapy focuses on the critical role of emotional bonds and attachment in relationships. The goal is to strengthen these emotional connections so that partners and family members can understand each other better and feel safe.
How does emotionally focused family and couples counselling achieve this? Your emotionally focused family or couples therapist will effectively guide you through conflict resolution by addressing the underlying emotions and attachment needs. Using evidence-based Emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT) and Emotionally focused family therapy (EFFT) exercises, they will help you navigate your arguments more constructively while you build a more resilient and emotionally connected relationship.
Common Patterns of Negative Interaction
Conflicts in relationships typically follow a pattern or cycle. These negative patterns, or "a negative relationship dance," are known in emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT) and Emotionally focused family therapy (EFFT) as "Demon dialogues" and can be broken down into three categories:
Find the Bad Guy: This pattern involves partners mutually attacking each other. For example, you and your spouse often argue about household chores. You accuse them of being irresponsible and lazy, and in response, they criticize you for being too bossy. The mutual blame game typically escalates, leading to the next category, the Protest Polka.
The Protest Polka: This is a more subtle pattern, with one spouse demanding on the outside (while consciously guarding the emotional detachment on the inside) and the other partner retreating on the outside (but quietly protesting the unspoken criticism on the inside). This creates distance and tension. You may, for example, feel neglected when your partner spends a lot of time with their friends, criticizing and demanding more attention but internally feeling unloved. On the other hand, while they seem unresponsive on the outside, your spouse may, deep down, feel upset about your lack of understanding.
Freeze and Flee: The third pattern occurs when there are no clear solutions or ways to reconnect, often leading to greater emotional distance and detachment between the partners. For instance, you may have reached a point with each other where you feel stuck and emotionally numb. You barely communicate and tend to avoid each other to evade conflicts. However, this disconnection only leads to a more significant emotional gap, making reconnection less and less possible.
Emotionally Focused Exercises for Conflict Resolution
Emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT) and Emotionally focused family therapy (EFFT) offer specific, practical exercises for conflict resolution and increased awareness within relationships. For example, your counsellor may invite you to revisit one of the distressing moments in your relationship and recognize and express underlying emotions you experienced during the conflict rather than focus solely on surface-level disagreements. This helps shift from blame to sharing emotions, fostering a safer space to understand and respond to each other's emotional needs. For instance, instead of saying, "You never want to make love. I don't attract you anymore," you will start to access what you feel and need to say something along the lines of, "I feel neglected and unloved when you don't come to bed."
The Role of Couples Counsellors and Family Therapists
Family and couples counsellors are trained and qualified to work with relationship challenges. They can provide a neutral and supportive environment where you and your spouse or family members may express your emotions and address underlying issues without being judged or biased.
Williamson & Associates Counselling's therapists are highly qualified and provide a wealth of knowledge in Emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT) and Emotionally focused family therapy (EFFT) ensuring couples and families get compassionate, evidence-based counsel tailored to their specific relationship dynamics.
Conclusion
Emotionally focused therapy for couples and families offers evidence-based strategies to transform conflicts in your relationship into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection. In essence, Emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT) and Emotionally focused family therapy (EFFT) transform how couples and families understand, communicate, and respond to each other's needs during conflicts.
When conflicts become overwhelming, family and couples counsellors at Williamson & Associates Counselling, provide expert, neutral guidance to help navigate these challenges.
If you want to take the first step toward a more harmonious and fulfilling partnership, call us to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with Williamson & Associates Counselling.
Couples Counselling & Family Therapy in Olds, Alberta
At Williamson & Associates Counselling in Olds, Alberta, our couples and family counsellors are trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and Emotionally focused family therapy (EFFT). Our counsellors offer in-person couples counselling at our Olds, Alberta location, or online couples counselling to anyone in the province of Alberta. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and Emotionally focused family therapy (EFFT) can help you have a greater sex life by feeling connected and emotionally safe in your marriage, family and relationship. Reach out today to book your free phone consultation here with one of our amazing couples and family counsellors in Olds, Alberta.